I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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