we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
