You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
