I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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