Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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