She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
