I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
