was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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