why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
