Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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