something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
