If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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