I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Success! We fucked roommates!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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