If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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