I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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