And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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