You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
