Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
