Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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