he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wear drunk well.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
