but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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