It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
