I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
