that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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