I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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