Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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