Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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