even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
