I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
