It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
