I just threw up on my dentist
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
