The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
