I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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