I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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