whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
