Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
