I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
