Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
