If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
