I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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