I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
