have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
