i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
