we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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