Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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