No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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