Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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