You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
