best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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