All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
