where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
