Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
