someone threw a dead crab at me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
