I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
vagina is talking i cant
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
