I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
