Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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