Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I AM VODKA MAN
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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