I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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