I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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