to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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