I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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